Mean
by AuroraAustralice
Summary: A Oneshot Dramione songfic for Taylor Swift's Mean. Enjoy and do Review. Self Harm/ Bullying (Part II uploaded)
1. Chapter 1

_One shot Dramione songfic on Taylor Swift's—Mean (Not a fan of Taylor no offence to all those out here who are but this song really touched something inside of me) do Review! _

**_Mean__._**

Hermione Granger refused to look up as she walked to the Great Hall, Harry and Ron were gone for Quidditch practice and just ahead lounged Draco Malfoy like an ancient, mystical prince his usual posse of giggling groupies around him twittering at his latest joke. She just wanted to get by without being noticed.

"Well-well where do you think you're going mudblood? Without saying hello?" he drawled out just as she thought she was free and clear. Hermione's heart sank to the bottom of her belly as she felt the same clenching dread that preceded his insults. Before she could respond he came forward and tugged a strand of her softly curling hair that has escaped from the haphazard bun atop her head and grimaced. "Honestly Granger if you spent half the time you spend with your head stuck in books on grooming yourself you wouldn't be a half bad shag!" he said in a nasty voice. Hermione was struck speechless at times like these because of the sheer number of people giggling at her, laughing at Malfoy's disgusting joke. A Ravenclaw girl with long legs slid up to him throwing her arms around Malfoy's muscular, broad shoulders and kissing him. As soon as he was distracted Hermione took off rushing towards the Great Hall not waiting to hear his crass taunts.

_….._

She could see it in his eyes; he liked doing this… calling her out just when she thought for once she was free. It was torture, how long had she been standing up to him? How much more of this bullying could she take?

Each time she heard his silky voice call out that word! 'Mudblood' it was like a punch to her solar-plexus, leaving her short of breathe, causing irrational tears to flood her eyes and make them burn. She burned each time she kept quite too, she burned with shame but she always rationalized it; she WAS the better person, she would NEVER stoop to his level. Yet so many years had passed and she could never get over the crushing humiliation she felt each time he put her down. Hermione ran her hand over old and new scars that ran like a crisscrossing rail of bloody lines across her wrist and felt thankful that no one could see the scars on her thighs.

If she was honest than she would have admitted that the only reason she was so uptight about keeping her grades high was because she wanted to show Malfoy that she was as good if not better than him, she was better than every pureblood witch and wizard who walked these halls with a sense of automatic superiority, she wanted them to toss and turn in their beds at night, cursing that a 'mudblood' was better than them

_…_.

Meet me tonight it said, near the lake your secret admirer, Hermione felt special as she clutched the precious note to her chest in happiness, it was all she could do to not jump up and down in joy. Someone found her attractive! Frumpy –dumpy Hermione Granger, with her nose always stuck in a book and her body hidden behind baggy clothing, he found her attractive! Hermione hadn't told anyone, nor was she going to. She was going to savor this.

Later in the night as she made her way to the lake, her heart thumped with pained anticipation. Who would it be?

She made her way to the grove next to the lake and waited patiently. Fifteen minutes, twenty minutes, twenty five that was when she wandered to the edge of the grove to wait and see if he was coming.

Behind her she felt a warm hand capture her shoulder and a mean voice whisper into her ear, "Waiting for your secret admire to sing you Shakespeare's sonnets?"

And Hermione felt a chill creep over her as she swung around to look at the entire Slytherin class of her year smirking at her, making fun of her, mocking her and right in front of them Draco Malfoy.

That's when she ran, as fast as she could, tears streaming down her face in symphony with their cruel, mocking laughter that followed her till much later. Haunting her nightmare and darkening the shadows that lurked all around her. What could she do except pick up her blade and run to the closet bathroom….

….

To say Draco felt guilty would be an understatement, she had run away with tears streaming down her cheeks and while the next whole week Draco did reap his rewards, she never returned to class. Potter and Weasley were baffled; Draco was shocked she hadn't told them. All they said was that she was down with a contagious virus, Draco knew better…

He walked into the Prefects Bathroom on the third day that Granger was missing, he did it without thinking. It was open…. The sound of someone loud sobs could be heard where he was standing…. Granger. Another sound hit him even harder, he heard the distinct 'clink' of a falling blade, the tiny razor type thing slid out of the stall followed by a trail of blood.

He didn't know what to do… without announcing his presence he walked to the stall with the sobbing girl and pushed it open. Her skirt was hiked up and loud, bloody scars covered her soft inner thigh. Draco could not avert his eyes…. This was what he did. The damage he caused… and he looked into her vulnerable eyes and said the last thing that Hermione could expect.

"I'm sorry Granger…"

…

A/N: As a side note, I would like to inform all you readers that there are no lyrics as it is not allowed to use them. There are various copy-right issues that I was only recently made aware of.


	2. Unbound

I did not plan a second part to this one shot; this was just something that came to me one day because I wasn't really writing about Hermione but more so about myself. I would love your reviews and I know that a lot of you might not agree to what I have written here; that's alright everyone is entitled to their opinion, therefore I ask you to respect mine.

Thank you

* * *

_**Unbound**_

She was numb; for once in her life Hermione's mind was silent. Her world was hurtling out of control and here she sat at the periphery just…. Numb.

Why was she meant to be the strong one? The courageous one? The one who always stuck through any problem?

She felt the bitterness seep into her blood; she had no anger… just regrets and bitterness. The sour taste of those regrets filled her mouth now as she tried to navigate out of her desolation.

She had fallen of the wagon again; she was like an alcoholic or a druggie. She could keep her hands away from that knife for days or months or years but the moment someone upset her carefully balanced equilibrium even slightly she rushed back to it again and again. She was addicted to the pain, well not the pain but the relief that pain gave. It was so much easier to focus of a physical wound than on a psychological one.

Her brilliant mind was just shadows upon shadows trying to swallow each other whole. The bright corners had long since turned into little boxes of darkness she kept hidden from the world. They were her drug; she would visit those boxes when she saw the blood; loosing herself.

Truth?

Years of facing crap with Harry had warped her perception, it had turned her faith in humanity into a trite, broken down set of thoughts that she regularly laughed at. There was no inherent goodness in people! There was no silver lining, no rosy glow, no dawn after dark…

There were just different perceptions; to obtain the perfect shade of light one must mix darkness. Years had taught her that no one was innocent and no one yet completely evil. It was all a charade of circumstance.

Just like her shadows, there were times that Hermione didn't feel as bleak but she knew it was just her mind playing tricks on her to make her pliant.

She felt like giving into these thoughts; dark as they were, she wanted to give in.

That's why she'd cut, she had to do something to release her pent up frustration.

She was so tired of conforming to these bonds that the world has set for her; Gryffindor Princess, friend of The Chosen One thus one of the good guys. She wanted to break free, wanted to let the ravens wings stretch and let the dove rest.

She wanted the sun to set and the clouds to take cover; she just wanted to be….

Not good… not bad… not black… nor white … nor special… nor obsolete

She just wanted to be …. Bondless… Unbidden

Free, she wished to be free. Like white…. A blank canvas waiting to be splashed with the colors of her destiny; colors that she chose, not colors that were forced upon her.

She wanted to take flight into the sky, wanted the good, the bad, the broken, the whole. What ever the world could offer her.

Anonymity...

Yet her binds held her back, they were to strong for her to break; not just taunting her with her relationships but with her own human inadequacy. She didn't want to be forgotten, she didn't want to obliterated like mist when the sun shines through, she didn't want to be a shade, a mere shadow that people forgot as time passed them by.

She was weak…. Human… selfish.

If she truly wished to be free; the window waited for her, open ready for her to jump but she knew the truth… she couldn't do it.

She was a liar… she knew she would never be able to splash her own hues and shades to the canvas of her life yet each day she lied to herself.

And so she would continue to do so…

**_Liar... Liar... Life On Fire... What is it your going to do?_**

**_Just lie your way through this too?_**


End file.
